What Do You Mean 'Headache'?

I am not one of those authors who is detached from her characters. They are "alive" in my head and, especially when I'm pantsing, tend to direct the action. When I plot, they do the same thing, they're just nice enough to do it in advance.

Now, a not-so-secret secret. I like sex in my books. I prefer characters who, if they're going to do the deed, do it on screen. Fade-to-black tends to be reserved for my YA work. (There are occasionally characters who don't have sex, but that's a post for a different day.) So, imagine my frustration when my characters finally hook up and they're on the path to smexy time and... they derail.

The piece I'm working on right now is a prime example of this. (For a sample of the new story, see this post.)

Cal and Penelope got on the road to sex without any argument. Everything was going great. Until they actually started making out. Then there was the should-we-shouldn't-we. I pounded on the keys and might have screamed "Yes, dammit, you should! Now get naked!" Eventually, I got their clothes off and then the non-fuckers had a different issue. I was ready to throw my computer.

Sure, it was something I knew would come up, but then?

This is a couple that is totally meant to be together, so I knew they'd get past it. Total frustration mode on the author's part though. So... back on the road and... another stumbling block. I messaged my CP while pulling my hair out and said, "Please tell me as a single woman that you'd _________." And she laughed at me.

After all the madness, they finally did the deed (of course they did, it's me...). But, with all the build-up, it needs more. I'm sure my crit partner and beta readers are going to give me a big "What the fuck was that?" So, I'm hoping I can make it better on pre-reader revisions.

But damn, Cal and Pen... stop this shit, okay? We're on a damn schedule. You don't have sex when you're supposed to, it throws everything off.

*grumble*

Book Sex Versus Real Sex

Advance warning that I'm going to talk about sex in this post. Should have been evident by the title, but in case you didn't get it...there will be sex. And at points there may be TMI involved. Feel free to read this paragraph, cover your eyes and go running for the hills (ie hit your back button or close the window or whatever). I promise not to be offended.

If you stick around, I hope you won't be offended.

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Good, now that we've got that cleared up we can get down to business. Here's the thing. I've decided I need to write a contemporary romantic comedy.

I can see some of my friends staring at the screen and blinking really slowly before they scroll up to make sure they're at the right place. Yeah, it's still me, and I know both contemporary and rom com are totally outside my comfort zone for writing. Hear me out though. The sex I write in my spec fic? It isn't real. I'm not sure I've ever had sex like that. You know, the kind that goes perfectly right. No awkward embraces, every touch sets something on fire (and not in a bad way), everyone has a rock-my-world orgasm.

Yeah. Not that those things don't happen, but I can't say I've ever had them all happen at the same time. Where everything was perfect.

Real sex just isn't like that. Real sex involves things like leg cramps and dryness and too much saliva and one person being done way before the other one. Occasionally, real sex even involves accidentally kicking your partner in the head*, leaving you both laughing so much it's hard to get back to what you were trying to do in the first place. Real, honest to goodness sex is often funny. Someone tries to say something sexy and it comes out sounding ridiculous, or worse, they belch in the middle of it.

But that doesn't make for a sexy love scene.

So I've decided, just once, I want to write a story about real people and real sex.

You know...just to see if I can.

The real question is this: would you read it?

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*No spouses were harmed in the making of this blog post**

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**At least not permanently.

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Addendum at the request of my husband: Just to clarify, I have actually had wonderful, mind-blowing sex. In fact, I was having some recently...until my mother-in-law knocked on the door. Yep. That's real sex.

In Defense of Sex

One of my fellow authors has run into a bit of frustration recently. She chose to use a pen name because she knew her family wouldn't approve of the type of books she writes. Then a family member found her stuff anyway.

O.M.G. If I thought my writing wouldn't go over well with my family, nothing could have prepared me for the type of vitriol she's faced. Rather than congratulating her on her success, her family has been vocally unsupportive. It disgusts me.

The latest round went something like this:

"It takes no talent to write a bunch of sex in a book. Anybody can do that. It takes real talent to write a book without sex."

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Idiot say what?

Now, if I'd heard this randomly, I would have just had a good laugh about people who don't know any better and moved on. But the author who had to deal with this is a friend, and I am pissed. Without a direction to point my ire though, we're just going to spend today discussing the comments. (And I'm going to do my best to stay civil about it considering the people who read and respond to this blog are unlikely to deserve my anger.)

Let's start with the last statement: "It takes real talent to write a book without sex." I've read a lot of books in my time. Many have sex, many more have sexual tension, and many have no hint of sex at all. IT FUCKING TOOK TALENT TO WRITE ANY OF THEM.

Sorry for (virtually) shouting, I hope you understand why that needs to be screamed from rooftops. The physical act of writing is easy. People learn how to put pen or pencil to paper in elementary school. Writing stories is not easy. It takes talent and hard work, especially if you're talking about something good enough for an agent or editor to say "Yes, I want this."

Now, within the realm of everything that gets published, there are stories that people don't like. Some have sex, some don't. But the same book I can't stand someone else will love. There are best sellers that I could barely make it through because I thought the writing was atrocious or the characters ridiculous. Obviously a lot of other people disagree. Those books? Some have sex, some don't.

So let's look at the first part of what she said: "It takes no talent to write a bunch of sex in a book."

I like writing sex. It's fun for me. Then again, I like writing fight scenes too. I like action more than I like musing. But neither sex nor action scenes are easy for me to write. And a poorly written one can destroy an entire book for me.

You see, sex scenes aren't just about mechanics. Putting tab A into slot B isn't enough no matter how vividly you describe it. You're still just putting a tab into a slot. A good sex scene involves choreography, much like a fight scene. It needs to have more action than just the insertion. But even that isn't enough. Great action is only going to get you so far. For a sex scene to really shine, it also needs emotion. People have thoughts and feelings when they're having sex, often more heightened than at other times. If you don't include that aspect, your sex scene will fall short of what it could be.

Plus, sex scenes aren't just about the act, they're about the characters and the story. I'll use the opening of "Of Course I Try" as an example. Yes, Max and Jocelyn are getting busy. And I could have just written about where his hands and mouth were. *yawn* That would have been sex with no point. The purpose of that particular scene is for the reader to understand that:

-       Max is an incredible lover who drives Jocelyn crazy.

-       Jocelyn wants to leave Max

-       When she's with him, Jocelyn can't think straight. It isn't just the sex that does this--it's him. Which in turn, gives hints as to how the first two points play into the story.

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That is a lot of character information and plot shoved into one emotional roller coaster of a scene. Forgive me for patting myself on the back, but I think it took talent to squeeze all of that into just a few hundred words. And I've read work by other authors that did much more with a single sex scene. They've got mad skills that I can only hope I have someday.

Then there's her last bit: "Anybody can do that." Honestly, my response to stuff like this is always the same: "Then get out there and do it." Dismissing someone else's skill or talent doesn't take much effort. Proving you are just as good? That means putting yourself out there and risking that the world will prove you to be an idiot and a jerk.

Most people can put pen to paper and spew out sentences. That doesn't mean they can all write.